It’s my party

I’m turning 26 on Sunday.

I look at that number and it doesn’t feel quite real. Not that it feels old, it just feels…different.

When I turned 25, I was surrounded by friends.  I shut down the bar. I danced my heart out.

On the outside, I was fabulous. Inside, I was an emotional wreck.

Turning 25 felt surreal. I was nowhere near where I thought I would be. I was unattached, still living at home, still in school. Surprisingly, none of these things have changed in a year. I’m in my last semester of graduate school, I am nowhere near financially ready to move out, and although I’ve dated a few people this year, I’m completely single.

This has been a year of growing, as most years usually are. A year of healing bruises, going wild and taking risks. Of meeting new people and following my heart instead of my gut. Of making terrible choices, but having fun in the moment. Of not wasting (as much time as I usually do) time feeling sorry for myself. Of proving to myself that I’m a lot stronger than I look.

I feel like, last year at this time, I was standing on the dock, looking into the water, wondering if I should jump or not. Maybe I’d dip my toe in to feel the temperature of the water, but I hadn’t gone in yet. I hadn’t taken a deep breath, puffed out my cheeks and taken that leap. I was still scared, still searching, still broken from past experiences.

Not that I’m completely unafraid now. I still get nervous before a first date, I still have panic attacks when I don’t feel prepared for an exam, and I’m still not completely confident that I have what it takes to succeed in my chosen field. But, I got there. I jumped in. My hair got wet and I’m happy.

I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming. And I hope everyone that reads this is proud of themselves as well. Love yourself for your flaws. Admire yourself for your strength. Accept your mistakes. Think of them as stepping stones. Eat cake. Drink wine. Smile for no reason. Make out with cute boys you don’t ever care about seeing again, if only because you need to feel close to someone for a moment. Buy a sexy nightie, even if the only person you have to wear it in front of is your cat. Get a massage.  Give yourself a hug.

At least I will be doing those things.

Happy birthday to me =)

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jo
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 20:41:16

    happy birthday. i guess we all live and learn and grow. and that’s a good thing. have an awesome weekend.

    Reply

  2. Audrey22
    Oct 16, 2010 @ 10:19:13

    Happy Birthday hon! All the best on your special day. It seems like this year was a one for new experiences and growth. I hope the upcoming year meets you with all the love and joy you can stand.Enjoy it to the fullest!

    Reply

  3. G/W
    Oct 16, 2010 @ 22:48:08

    I think we all underestimate how many years it will take us to finally stand on our own feet. I figured I’d be done with school and out by 22. Yet, here I am. A girlfriend had vowed she’d be married by this time. There’s no boyfriend in sight.
    I think you’re on the right track. You’re only 25. You’re actually done grad school (congratulations btw). You’re not in a relationship yet but you have a decade or more so to go until people start worrying 😉 You’re ready to face the future head on (which is more than most of us can hope for).
    And you’re right, today is the time when we’re young enough to do eff all and we don’t have any boyfriends or kids to worry about.
    So good on you for that and happy birthday!!! 🙂 I hope this year brings you amazing memories and enriching experiences.

    Reply

  4. amber
    Oct 18, 2010 @ 17:16:23

    Happy Birthday!! This was beautiful, by the way. I especially love the part about jumping into the water. I’ll be 29 at the end of Dec, and I’m doing that OH GOD I’M NOT WHERE I SHOULD BE business to myself.

    Reply

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