Things that I want in a lover

Since I refused to spend a paycheck on honey candles, when I was in Salem a few weeks ago I bought a love candle. I’m supposed to write down what I want in a lover, burn it on the nights around a full moon, and recite the list. I’ve been ridiculously busy as of late, and haven’t given much thought to this list. I think that a big problem I have when it comes to dating is that I don’t really have any specifics for what I want in my future partner. Some people may say that this is a good thing. That I will be able to date a plethora of people because I don’t really have any “deal breakers.” However, I am also picky with the people I date. I know that doesn’t really sound like it makes much sense but I guess I just need that certain level of physical and emotional attraction.

I don’t need someone I date to be an astrophysicist. I’ve dated guys that have had normal 9-5 office jobs, I’ve dated a lawyer, I’ve dated a  tour guide, I’ve dated a high school graduate on unemployment. I branch out. What you decide to do with your life doesn’t impress me as much as the fact that you’re happy with what you’re doing. Or at least can tolerate it.

As far as looks go, I don’t need a supermodel. You don’t need to have six-pack abs or biceps like Popeye (although, wow are they fun to play with!). I’ve been in love with a man who had the beginnings of a beer belly.

But, what I do need is someone who has a sparkle in their eye.

Someone who I look at, and who looks at me, and who I just click with.

Someone that makes my heart skip a beat and I’m not exactly sure why.

Maybe it’s their smile. Maybe it’s the way they look at me as if I’m the only girl in the room. But, you see, it’s not just one thing. And it’s never the same. So I can not definitively say that I need my future mate to possess this and this and this. Because he doesn’t.

I don’t need him to come hiking with me (although it’d be nice if he did). I can do that on my own.

He doesn’t have to come to the concerts I go to. I have friends that would come with me in a heartbeat.

I don’t require him to have his own place. I can’t judge someone for living with their parents when I still live at home. It wouldn’t be fair. I mean, it makes things a hell of a lot easier when the person I date has their own apartment/house, but it’d be hypocritical to say they need to have one in order to be date-worthy. What I do require is a savings account and the hope that, someday, they will have their own place. And that they’re working towards it.

I guess my list has to do more with emotional stuff. I want my future Mr. to be generous and kind, to help little old ladies across the street, to ask me to call him when I get home so he knows that I’m safe. I want him to open doors for me, and not start driving until I have my seatbelt on. If he smokes, I want him to understand what he’s doing to his body and why I would love if he’d try to quit. I don’t need him to like my music, but I need him to have an appreciation for music. He has to like to cuddle. And hold my hand. He has to like me for more than the physical. He has to ask me questions about myself and my life. He has to be interested. He has to be ready for me and all of my quirkiness. He has to understand that I’m a hypochondriac, and love me for it. He has to love his family and friends, but he has to want to be my friend. Not just my lover. Even if he thinks my friends are weird, loud, obnoxious, crazy, etc. he has to suck it up and go out with us from time to time. He has to hand me the remote once in awhile. He has to want a baby.

I guess I do have some needs, now that I think about it. Doesn’t really seem like asking for much, but obviously I haven’t had the best luck so far.

Maybe burning the candle is just a symbolic thing. Maybe what I really needed to do was realize that, yes, I do have deal-breakers. And they aren’t ridiculous and crazy. They are normal things that a guy who is in love with me should do, and do willingly.

I’ll find him someday. And when I do, I will look back at this post and smile.

I hope.


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