Dating digitally


In the beginning, I enjoy receiving texts. There’s something very exhilarating about hearing your phone beep or vibrate or light up when you receive a new message from someone you’re interested in. Don’t get me wrong, I also like hearing a man’s sexy voice on the other end of the line, but I’m (trying to be) a woman of the digital age and I see nothing wrong with short texts to make plans or to tell someone you’re thinking of them.

So, what does this have to do with me right now? I’ll tell ya.

Back in November, I met a guy at a bar. He was nice, but young . . . and short . . . with a slight hipster obsession. But he made for enjoyable company that evening, so I chatted with him for an hour or so before my friends and I left for the night. He texted me a few nights later to say hello, I responded, he responded, I responded, and then he stopped texting without another word until a few days later when he drunkenly texted me from a concert. He said we needed to hang out. I said okay.

I didn’t hear from him for several days, so I decided to send him a little message to say hi one Saturday. Our text conversation continued into our drunken nights, and we made tentative plans for the next day. These plans were ruined by the fact that we were both massively hung over the following day.

I didn’t hear from him all week.

Then I heard from him again with no mention of hanging out.

Then I went another week or so without hearing from him.

We played this back and forth game throughout the month of December until finally we made plans (at my suggestion) to get together.

Then I broke my wrist (and possibly sprained the other) and my driving abilities went to shit.

When I told him about this he didn’t offer to pick me up or meet me somewhere in my town so I wouldn’t have to drive.

He didn’t really say anything at all.

In fact, again I went several days without hearing from him until I received yet another drunk text on Christmas Eve.

No more mentions of getting together.

I’m beginning to wish I lived in a time with no cell phones, or phones at all for that matter. A time where, if a guy was interested in seeing you,  he would come to your house and call on you. He’d court you. He’d be a man. He wouldn’t stop talking to you mid-conversation or go a week without making contact.

I know what to do in this particular situation – I won’t be making contact anymore. He’s a good kid, I can tell. But his lack of effort is something that I promised myself I would never fall for again. The last guy I fell for fed me lines and somehow got me to travel miles and miles for him twice a week. I quickly went from being the hunted to the huntress, and I never want that to happen again.

Maybe I don’t belong in this digital age. This age of social networking, texts, bbm’s and 3D televisions (which I’m so anti, btw). Maybe I’ve read one too many Jane Austen novels or have seen too many period pieces. Maybe my dreams of being pursued are just not meant for this era. But I can’t help wanting to feel wanted. Wanting to feel like I’m worth a little bit of a chase by someone that I’m physically and mentally attracted to.

I kind of wish I could go back in time. Back to when “dating digitally” meant writing love letters with quill pens instead of typing short-hand messages on a mini computer.

Can we rewind the clock a bit? I think I have nostalgia for a lifetime that’s never going to be mine.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Maura
    Dec 28, 2010 @ 20:30:08

    He is a man-child. I have done the same thing with a guy since JULY. But I think it’s finally over based on the fact that I called him a pussy the other night since he hasn’t done anything in 6 months. I don’t think he appreciated it. Ask how much I care.


  2. jo
    Dec 30, 2010 @ 00:55:52

    i don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting the guy to actually show some effort and chase you. the problem with the digital age is that while it does make things easier, it also makes people lazy. i admit that i’m a huge texter, i can make entire plans without ever having to pick up the phone to actually talk to that person until i see him/her face to face. i think even if one wants to court someone digitially (and now that sounds wrong when i say it haha!) it should be of a high enough frequency of contact.


  3. G/W
    Jan 02, 2011 @ 15:29:43

    I think the problem is that we assume that if there weren’t phones around, they would make the effort to come knock on our door when the truth is that if there weren’t phones they probably would do that at all because they’re not interested enough.
    That’s really what irks me about phones. It’s not that texting makes people lazy- it’s just that men have an outlet to access tons of girls without putting in any effort at all. So the ones who don’t care too much can amuse themselves and only put in minimum effort. The ones they actually care about, they do knock on their door. It’s just that we convince ourselves that the digital age is the problem, not the men themselves.
    So instead of having five men knocking on our doors, we have 100 men texting us and out of those hundred, only five will go anywhere. We’re exactly in the same position that we were way back when but we just get our heads screwed around with more.


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