The great “move out” debate

“I need to move out so I can date,” my friend L said.

We were standing at a table, in a small, dimly lit pub in Dublin. This was two and a half years ago, but I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.

My friend A and I tried to intently listen to her over the music session going on in the corner. We strained to hear as she explained herself. We weren’t exactly convinced of her reasoning. Why was it so hard for her to talk to her parents about who she was dating? Why did she have to sneak around? Why did she feel like she had to move out to find her mate?

I didn’t completely understand it then, as she tried to sell us her point, but I get it now. Totally. As much as I love my parents and try to be honest, it’s so hard to date while living with them. It’s difficult telling them I won’t be sleeping at home, or even just telling them I’m going on a date in the first place. I think that it’s a main factor in why I’m so nervous dating to begin with. When my mother knows I’m with a guy, she starts calling my phone at midnight and won’t stop until I set foot back home. On the other hand, if she knows I’m on a date and I come home too early, she feels bad for me. She’s a great person, she just worries so much that it’s making me start to resent her.

Take this scenario, if you will (and I wasn’t even on a date!!)

I was out for the night with some friends and was just dropping the last person off at home (around 3:00am) when my mother began to call me. I was literally 15 minutes from home and decided to just drive and not return her call. I would be home so quickly, there was no need to risk getting caught driving and talking on the phone. When I pulled up into our driveway, I saw my mother walking around aimlessly. The scene was so humorous to me that I couldn’t even yell.

I got out of my car, looked at her, and burst out laughing.


She looked like a lost puppy dog. She held her bathrobe around her as her fuzzy slippers shuffled on the ground.

I thought back to that moment in the pub years before and had an epiphany.

I need to move out.

I love my parents, I do. They’re great and amazing and would do anything for me. But I now know why I go so crazy when I go away on vacations.

It’s because, for that tiny moment, I’m finally free. I finally don’t have to answer to anyone.

So here’s the proposition I pose to myself.

Self, by October of 2011, by your 27th birthday, you will have a job. You will be able to move out of your parent’s house.¬† You will be able to pay your car bill, health insurance, apartment and utilities without throwing a tantrum. You will be able to go out with anyone you want at any time you want without having to let anyone know. You will be able to have sleepovers with the opposite sex without feeling like your parents are looking down on you. You will host dinner parties for friends.

Self, you will be free.

Until Sundays, which is when you will bring your laundry over to your mothers and sweetly smile as you ask her to wash your darks.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jo
    Jan 18, 2011 @ 21:45:00

    haha! i understand this more than you realise. it’s worse ‘coz my parentals are so conservative!


  2. s212
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 00:43:36

    haha totally know how you feel. I just turned 20 and currently living with strict asian parents. I never realized this inconvenience until now as I’m just starting to date. I’m at the stage right now where I’ll tell them I’m meeting girlfriends instead because I don’t know if they would approve of the guy I’ve just started seeing (mainly because he is not some PhD student with a 5.0 GPA).

    Thanks for your reply to my comment by the way on G’s blog! (I’m the girl whose seeing the New Zealand surfer boy). I’m going to follow your advice and see how it goes tomorrow, I’m so anxious!


  3. G/W
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 04:27:14

    Well, congratulations on that decision. It’s a tough one.
    I’ve always been super attached to my parents and they give me a lot of freedom but when I start dating… I really don’t know what I’m going to do…


  4. amber
    Jan 19, 2011 @ 20:40:50

    I hope you find a great place! I personally can’t relate to this situation – I was adopted, and sex and dating weren’t a part of my life until I’d moved away from home, anyway. But I can imagine the awkward moments. Wishing you best of luck.


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