Dear me

Dear Amanda circa 2006,

You’re fragile. So fragile that it hurts me to even write this. You’re timid and scared and because of this you close yourself off to possibilities. You’re still terrified of the unknown. You’re hiding a passion for life deep inside of your soul, and it has yet to come out.

It will soon. And when it does, you’ll be amazed at what you do.

You worry about feeling. Or lack thereof. You worry because you’ve never felt strongly enough about anyone to be truly hurt. Your fear hasn’t let you get that far.

Be strong. Have faith. Things will change soon.

Soon, your life will take a new path because you will slowly start to realize that you don’t belong on the road you’re on.

Soon, you will begin to lead a healthier life.

Soon, much sooner than you realize, you will meet an amazing man who will break down your walls and make you feel. Just feel.

He will also be the first man to ever truly make you cry. Buckets. Rivers. You think that it’ll never stop. It will.

You’ll cry, but you’ll be stronger. I can tell you this now because I’ve lived through it. You’ve lived through it. At the time you will believe that it will never get better. That you will always hurt. That your wound will never heal and your heart will never mend. That you’ll never ever be able to love again.

Time, my sweet, dear child, really will prove to heal your wound. And break it open again, I’m afraid. But it’ll all be worth it. Someday.

Time will also prove to bring you amazing opportunities. You’ll take a risk starting school again. You’ll throw away a career that is making you a fabulous amount of money and trade it in to sit in a classroom. Half of the time you’ll want to scream at the top of your lungs. You don’t get much sleep. You live off of caffeine.

You’ll get through that too. And you’ll emerge wiser and more driven than you ever could have believed you would be. You’ll want to quit a hundred times before it’s over, but you won’t. You’ll stick it out and be brilliant. You’ll shine.

Friends will come and a few may go. I think you already know who the ones that will go are. And because of this, it won’t really hurt as much. You’ll become closer with a few people in your life and you’ll meet some wonderful new people that will bring such an abundance of knowledge and life experience to the table that you’ll be so thankful to have met them.

You’ll go on adventures. You’ll be crazy and daring. You’ll swim in beautiful oceans and eat delicious meals in breathtaking locations. Buy a nice camera. Take lots of pictures. You’ll want these memories forever.

I want you to remember something. Take these words and put them in your back pocket. Even forget about them for awhile. When you need to remember them, they will be there. I want you to remember that you’re not as frail as you think. You’re much tougher than you give yourself credit for. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re not worth it. Don’t ever hold back with what you feel you need to say. Because life is way too short and people can be cruel without realizing it. If someone’s hurt you, let them know. Don’t pretend it doesn’t sting. Your feelings are real and important and true. Feel them. Express them. Live them.

Live.

You’re too young and vibrant not to.

XX

A

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Maura
    Jan 21, 2011 @ 23:49:37

    Great, introspective post.

    Reply

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