The one where he wore a tie

I had a date the other night. With a boy who is 5 years my junior. Who is, coincidentally, still a junior in college. I feel like a cougar in training. Like I’m Stella, gettin’ her groove back!

Truth be told, I wasn’t really interested in dating the guy in the first place. I only spoke to him while we were out at a bar because my friend was talking to his friend. But we began to chat and I have this nasty little habit of being super flirty and sweet to boys that I don’t really like, and being a huge wretched bitch to boys that I do like.

I’m royally f’d up in the head. If you’ve been reading for awhile, you should know this by now.

Anyway, I gave him my phone number, not thinking much of it, and went on my merry way at the end of the night (with a quick pit-stop at his hotel room which resulted in nothing more than a few minutes of music listening. Hand on heart!)

A few days later, I received a text message from him asking if he could call me to set up a date.

I tried to remember exactly what I felt about him when I’d been talking to him. Was I completely disgusted? No, certainly not. He was a nice guy. So, what would the harm be, really? I am not one to turn down a date, so I told him that that would be fun.

A few days later, he called me. He picked up the phone, took initiative and asked me out.

I really couldn’t say no, now. No one has picked up the phone, in lieu of texting, to ask me on a date in a year and a half.

He followed up. He made sure we were still on for the select day.

I liked it. It showed that he really wanted this to happen.

He offered to drive over an hour to see me. Over an hour to go on one little dinner date.

The last guy I dated would have never driven anywhere had I not asked him to.

He showed up wearing a suit jacket, tie, skinny black pants and vans.

I, as the girl, felt completely under-dressed in my sweater from Forever 21 and riding boots.

He picked me up and drove to the restaurant I selected.

We chatted about what he wants to do with his life and where I’ve been with mine.

He paid.

We went for drinks afterward.

I was worried that I was wrong about his age, but he was able to get into the bar.

He found me a stool to sit on.

He got my Yuengling.

My friend was at the bar.

They chatted.

He got her a stool as well.

It was nice.

We got along.

He asked questions.

He seemed genuinely interested.

As he drove me back home, I knew I wasn’t going to kiss him.

Not a single, solitary bone in my body felt like that would be the right thing to do.

He made no move to. He was fine with a hug.

He texted when he got home.

He was nice and sweet and genuine. He was nervous and awkward. He lacked the contamination and general aura of asshole that so many guys my age, and older, have. Everything seems new and exciting to him. It’s refreshing.

I wish I could keep him around for that refreshment alone. But, alas, life is complicated and I’m no spring chicken. I’ve been hurt and I don’t want to hurt him. So if he asks me out again, what’s the best way to go about saying that I don’t feel romantically towards him? Because, I don’t. At all.

I’ve done it wrong in the past and I don’t want to do it again.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. s212
    Jan 23, 2011 @ 23:00:12

    I’m kind of in the same boat as you are right now! But I’m still a bit more conflicted as to whether I want to continue seeing this guy that I’ve been on 3 dates with now (agh I know, I really should know by now! I’m pretty sure that I’m not that into him but it’s that darn New Zealand accent..). I have it kinda easier than you because I’m leaving for Europe to study abroad in 2 weeks but with your guy, you could tell him something like “hey I had a great time but I’m just too busy right now/not really looking to date” if you want to be less direct about it. But I’m never good at rejecting guys either (I either come across as a really mean bitch or I’m not direct enough so they don’t get the point)


    • Wild Oats
      Jan 26, 2011 @ 18:08:49

      Accents are a killer! They turn my mind to mush! Since you’re going abroad and since it doesn’t seem like you’re at all head over heels for the guy, I wouldn’t worry about telling your guy that you’re not going to be able to see him while your away. With my situation, well, I haven’t exactly been good at letting people down. I usually just pull the fade away (I have never been on a second or third date with a guy I wasn’t sure about, so I only do the fade away after 1 date wonders…still not exactly the best way to do it, but I am horrible at this stuff! Usually I’m the dumpee…). I guess I’ll have to wait and see if he asks me out again! Then I’ll be honest =)


  2. jo
    Jan 24, 2011 @ 04:24:49

    aww man… he sounds so sweet… this has gotta be so heartbreaking to reject a guy like that. maybe all guys started out that way before they got jaded and found that aura of asshole (i love your expression!). i don’t have any real advice since i’m generally terrible at turning guys down probably ‘coz i don’t have enough practice haha! normally i’d just gradually avoid contact but with a guy this nice, you might just wanna tell him properly. but do you think if given some time, you’d grow to feel a bit more romantically inclined?

    S212: i meant to ask, do you have a blog?


    • Wild Oats
      Jan 26, 2011 @ 18:09:46

      Yessss, he’s so nice which is why it would make me sad to just gradually avoid contact, but that is the way I usually roll when I’m not interested after a first date. I’ll try and be a big girl this time!


  3. G/W
    Jan 28, 2011 @ 03:53:06

    Aww that’s so cute of him. It sucks how the perfect guys never have that spark with the right guys (Jo was writing about that this week, weird).
    I have this nasty little habit of being super flirty and sweet to boys that I don’t really like, and being a huge wretched bitch to boys that I do like.
    Story of my life! Except replace “huge wretched bitch” with “huge neurotic wretched bipolar bitch”


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